He didn’t mind being cold…frozen even, but Sammy the Sad Snowball wanted to be more than just temporary winter sports ammunition.
“Maybe I could be part of a great snow sculpture or even part of a snowman or snow-woman, although I’ve never seen one of those.”
“Those were kind hands that shaped me into what I am today, and by the way, I do feel lucky that I wasn’t thrown at someone and maybe hurt them as I hit!”
“But I just have the feeling that I could be something more important, more helpful, part of something big and wonderful.”
Sammy was just sitting there, along the side of the park pathway when a warm knitted gloved hand lifted him up and caressed him, rounding him even more than he had been.
He was then carried over to the newly dedicated Memorial statue of a soldier and a cannon that was covered in snow.
“What a great statue ” thought Sammy. “Someone made that with their hands just as I was made. Of course bronze isn’t snow but the method is kinda similar.”
Then Sammy was gently placed down on the top of the base of the statue where he had a good view of the soldier and the cannon and of all of Main Street and the people.
Then an older couple came up to look at where Sammy was. They brushed off lots of snow from the soldier and the cannon and then stepped back to view the newly revealed sculpture.
The woman said to the man “Isn’t it a nice tribute to the soldiers?”
Then the man replied…”My yes…and so creative too. I think the best part is how someone used a single real snowball to represent the cannonball. It makes the whole tribute just perfect!”
“Get your heel outta my face please!”
“Hey…like I can help it or somethin’! I got some ugly argyle toe in MY face!”
“Ah watch who yer callen ugly Laddie.”
“Yeah…well…I just want my mate…I haven’t seen Lefty in weeks.”
“Me too…it’s so nice in that sock drawer chattin’ with those other matched pairs…ah…I really miss it.”
“The WORST are those athletic socks…they never really do get completely clean and they’re so thick and take up so much of our space here!”
Then there was a whimper and sob coming from the top of the pile.
“There there…you’ll be OK little one…we’re all here with you.”
The baby sock with it’s pink ruffle was very sad having just come from the last dryer load.
“I….I….think my match is…..ooohhhh….still in the dryer….CAUGHT!”
“Yeah…happened to golf sock over there…never did find his mate. Oh I shouldn’t have said that should I?”
“Boo Hoo…I’ll never see him again.”
“Now Now….it’ll be OK…you’ll see.
Then all of a sudden the woven basket that held them was lifted and dumped on the big bed. Then soon after, another pile of socks was thrown onto the bed.
“Hey….there’s my….HEY OVER HERE!”
Then human hands started matching up all the socks and folded and tucked the pairs together and threw them into the sock drawer. All of the socks were happy except one old striped one with a hole in the toe.”So long guys maybe I’ll see you all again soon.”
The little baby sock with the pink ruffle was still sad so the striped sock let it snuggle up as they were placed back into the woven basket.
“Maybe next time little one.”Then whispering to himself….”I HATE dryers!”
It was a bright and sunny night and all of the animals and people in all of the houses and barns and pastures and well, you get the idea, were wide awake.
After all, this was the Village of Backwards and there was a tradition to uphold.
The sign at the entrance to town read “EMOCLEW” and the red octagonal traffic signs on the corners spelled “OG”
The local driving populace stopped on green lights and drove down the middle of the streets…backwards of course.
The pedestrians also very naturally walked backwards and as they passed each other, frowned and said “Goodbye”
When you were 6 or so years old you started College in The Village and after 12 or so years you graduated first grade.
All of the front entrances to stores and even the “ECILOP” station were locked and you entered….YES you are correct, through the rear.
New Years Eve was a day late and celebrated on January First with fireworks at noon.
It was a sad town which made everyone happy. Dogs walked their Masters in the park and the garbage truck brought new trash every Saturday.
Then one day a little blond haired six year old boy named Otto stood in the middle of the town round and yelled…”I want to start school in First Grade and I want to walk my dog and walk down the street forward so that I can see where I’m going!”
A crowd started to form as the boy continued citing all of the backward things that he thought to be rather silly and for the very first time the people started to think about their town in a whole new darkness.
The very next day as Otto climbed into his first grade school desk, the sign man was repainting all of the town signs and especially the one that read “WELCOME TO THE VILLAGE OF FORWARDS.”
That was many years ago now but there is still one stubborn family who lives in a house with the basement on the third floor and yells “Goodbye” to everyone that strolls past.
“I’m really getting full already and it’s only…I have to wait until he stops shaking his head so that I can see the clock…ah….yeah…WOW 6:46 AM… that’s a new record.”
“You know some of this stuff he throws away isn’t all that bad. This one about the five legged cat is pretty good…oh but wait…um… dangling participle in that second paragraph and inconsistant tense…and….yeah…he was right to chuck that one.”
“OUCH! Another paper cut. HEY…CAN’T YOU WAD THEM UP TIGHTER BEFORE YOU THROW THEM AT ME HEMINGWAY!!!”
“Oh what’s the use he can’t hear me anyhow. What was that last one about?”
“A two headed cow that argues with himself constantly…he’s into the “weird animal syndrome” again. Didn’t work before…LAST FIVE TIMES!”
“I wonder if I can get moved to the spare bedroom so I can finally get some sleep. Naw…won’t happen. He likes the fact that I look like a basketball goal and I guess my decor won’t integrate into that lilac and pink bedroom anyway. I’m doomed!”
“Hey…you know what…I just noticed? It’s been 14 minutes since he’s trashed me with a reject wad and he’s been typing like crazy.
You don’t suppose…Naw couldn’t be…but then….he’s still at it. Do you think….”
“He’s jumping up and down and whooping…you know I think he actually finished writing something…He’s holding the pages…let me see if I can….OH JUST TURN THEM TO THE LEFT A BIT SHAKESPEARE SO I CAN SEE…”
“Well…I’ll be…there’s the title…”SILLY GRANDPA’S WASTEPAPER BASKET!”
“Eve Dear, have you seen this year’s Christmas list? I can’t seem to locate it.”
Santa was looking in all the usual places.
“Why no Snookums, I haven’t seen it since last December”…replied Mrs. Claus.
“Well that was last year’s “GOOD” list and things may have drastically changed since then.” Santa said, while accidentally overturning the ribbon bin.
“Perhaps one of the elves has it to get a count of how many of a certain gift to make.” Mrs. Claus suggested.
“No…Elphonso would have told me…but I’ll check with him anyway.”
Santa buzzed the workshop on his special phone that was a gift from the C.E.O. of A.T.and T. who never did forget that Santa had brought him the Southern Pacific train set one Christmas when that C.E.O.’s parents were unemployed.
“Yes Boss…Elphonso here!” ansered the senior elf.
Santa asked about the list but got no positive answer from the busy workshop.
“Oh my!” exclaimed Santa. “Without that list even very misbehaving children will be getting top shelf gifts and that would set a very bad precedent!”
“Maybe the children who KNEW that they were not really as good as they could have been during the year will appreciate the kindness and forgiveness if you treat them as “Good List” kids.” Mrs. Claus slyly suggested.
“Hmmm….well…it may come to that if I can’t locate my list.”
Santa resumed digging through the back of the closet under the red and white trimmed suits stored there.
It was WAY too late to compile a new list and it wouldn’t be fair to use last year’s list, so Santa just sat in his big easy chair and resigned himself that Mrs. Claus’ suggestion of gifting EVERY kid would be his decision for at least this Christmas.
And kids…that was YESTERDAY!
So…all of you kids out there that were not exactly on your best behavior this year, (and you all know who you are) will get a gift from the Jolly Old Elf this Christmas.
So my suggestion to you is to enjoy the benefits of a “Good List” kid and do your very best to earn your own way onto the list next year.
Because we all know that Santa isn’t going to lose next year’s list don’t we!
the littlest Christmas tree
Dec 18
Smack dab in the middle of a great green forest
Far beyond where anyone could see
Grew the tiniest smallest but surely the prettiest
Perfectly shaped evergreen tree
The big trees around him just blocked out the sun
And he could scarcely see stars when each day was done
He wanted to grow big and full like the others
He’d be eight feet tall had he had his druthers
A growing tree needs rain, air and sun
But this poor evergreen almost got none
His secret wish was one day to be
A brightly trimmed star-topped Christmas tree
But alak and alas
As the Christmas’ passed
Not one mortal soul came near him to see
What a spectacularly fine
Christmas tree he would be
It was now his third winter and with snow on his boughs
He was starting to hear some loud whooping yowls
As he glanced around, an astonishing sight
Two kids and two parents appeared in the night
“There it is! I told you…
I saw it before!”
“We just couldn’t find it
But we’ll be searching no more!”
The tree tried his best
Not to look at the axe
But if you want them to take you
You have to face facts
When the chopping was over and had NOT hurt a bit
The tree happily found that he perfectly fit…
In the bed of their pickup, an F150
On the ride home he thought “Man…this is nifty!”
What a wonderful Christmas it came to be
For the lucky family and of course, for the tree
So the littlest tree in the forest had his dreams come true
And if you’re good and patient your dreams will too!
All of my socks are but a size two
They wouldn’t hold much so I knew what to do
I borrowed my Grandpa’s…his feet are really big
And I hope that Dear Santa doesn’t think I’m a Pig!
I hung Grandpa’s stocking by the chimney with care
If I’d hung up size two…well it wouldn’t be fair
Most kids I know hang socks that are HUGE
I hope no one thinks that I’m being a Scrooge
But I have something that I want to report
And I’ll try to make this long story short
When I woke up early last Christmas morn
Left instead of MY sock was one that was worn
It was all red and fuzzy with a tear in the toe
It looked like it had been left out in the snow
And there was a note on the table nearby
It was written by Santa and it started out “HI…
“…I hope you don’t mind and your Grandfather too
But I tore my stocking when I slipped on your roof
So I borrowed your sock to aid me tonight
To help keep my toes warm and solve my small plight”
Well I thought Santa’s sock was the best gift EVER
And I told lots of folks but…believe me?…NEVER!
But I know it’s true and it’s just like I said
It’s Santa’s real stocking and it’s really quite red!
But the neatest of all I’ve yet to tell
About three days later I heard the doorbell
It was UPS and a guy dressed in brown
“I’ve a package from the North Pole’s Lost and Found
Sign here if you want it”…and so I did
Then guess what was there when I opened the lid?
YEP! Grandpa’s stocking…as good as new
And a note from Santa that just read “Thank You!”
Santa was busily delivering his Christmas bounty of gifts to GOOD little girls and boys when, instead of going on to the Smith’s house, next on his list, he circled around the Jones’ roof where he had just been because Santa thought that he had forgotten to leave the red bike with training wheels that Tommy had asked for.
Santa saw his own footprints in the snow but he also spotted a small person with a bag similar to his and the person was wearing a mask!
“What’s this?” exclaimed Santa. “This person is following me and I do believe that they may be taking the gifts that I’m leaving and that makes Santa very angry.”
Santa hovered the sleigh and commanded the reindeer to be very quiet as he watched to see the “bandit” emerge from the chimney, looking all around to see if they were being watched.
But they didn’t look up into the sky where Santa was hovering and that’s when Santa swooped in to land right in front of the “bandit” trapping them between the sled and the Jones’ chimney.
“SO!” Santa yelled, startling the person.
“Exactly WHAT are you doing following me and raiding the houses that I’ve gifted?”
“I…well…I…just…” the would be “Bandit” took off their mask as they spoke, and lo and behold it was a rather young woman who was speaking to Santa.
” I…was…just delivering these gift certificates to each house that you visit in this neighborhood. I figured that if you visit a home there must be good and deserving kids living there and I wanted to make sure these worthy families received the food vouchers so that they can have an even better Christmas.”
“Well…I’m amazed young lady, but why are you wearing the mask when you are doing such a noble deed?”
“I didn’t want anyone to know that I left the certificates and not Santa…well…you, Sir.”
“Hmmm…I see…I think. That’s a wonderful and generous thing that you’re doing but I don’t think that I should be given credit for something that you did.. But…tell you what! Why don’t you ride along with me from here on until you finish your generous giving?”
“Oh Santa, that would be wonderful!”
“And by the way, I recall leaving you that “Raggedy Ann” doll back a few years ago. You were a mostly good little girl “SARAH”, and you sure have become a fine young woman!”
And Sarah and Santa and the nine reindeer flew off to finish the Christmas Eve giving that is the true spirit that everyone should cherish and continue forever.
I’m not sure that I should be telling you this story but…well here goes! Santa likes to have a little fun now and again and one year, right around Thanksgiving Santa went down into the SouthWorld, (that’s what he calls everything south of the north pole, which of course EVERYTHING is.)
Anyhow, he saw that a “Santa Look-alike” contest was being held at a shopping mall in Minnesota.
He chuckled as he saw the men lining up to enter. While some looked amazingly like him many looked more like Ernest Hemingway, at least according to Santa.
Well, he had to “Ho Ho Ho” and sit kids on his lap and stand with Left then Right then Back profiles and finally after all the dozens of contestants were evaluated by the audience and judges, he was asked to come up onto the stage with two other Santa Wannabes.
After a long and loud drum roll the winner was announced and Santa came in third!
Mrs. Claus was knitting tiny footies out of the brightest red yarn ever spun. Oh, they weren’t for any baby that the Claus’ knew but were special presents for Gamin the Elf whose old footies just plain wore out.
She noticed Santa pacing up and down the living room and looking out the door window every few seconds.
“What’s the matter, Dear? Does something have you worried this season?” She asked without even looking up from her knitting.
“Well…it should have been here by now….or even by yesterday. There are only two days to go!” said Santa wringing his hands and staring out into the snowy horizon.
Then after another hour or so there was a loud “VRRROOOM” which shook the whole house and startled Mrs. Claus causing her to “drop a stitch.”
“Oh, My…what was that?” Mrs. Claus exclaimed.
Santa was jumping up and down and clapping his hands and opening the front door and charging out without even putting on his red jacket.
“You’ll catch a cold if you go out without…..” Mrs. Claus started to say but it was too late because Santa was already making tracks in the North Pole snow running like a youngster out to the front gate.
Mrs. Claus put down her knitting and went to the door and what she saw made her jump back in amazement.
For sitting right in front of the gate was a huge shiny silver object with flashing lights and white smoke coming out of its enormous tail.
Santa was still jumping around like a little boy on Christmas morning as Mrs. Claus came out to join him. She hadn’t seen him this happy since…well…last Christmas.
“What is it Dear?” she asked.
“Oh it’s my new sled…it’s finally here!”
Santa was looking over and under and all around the new “contraption” as Mrs. Claus called it.
“How did it get here? I mean there’s no driver or delivery man or anyone.” Mrs. Claus was very confused by the whole scene.
“Oh, it’s programmable. “Fly by wire” my Dear it’s the newest thing. Doesn’t actually need a driver/pilot or whatever.” Santa’s smile was wide and he crinkled his nose as he admired his new flying device.
“It’ll do Mach One easy! Oh….it’s gonna save me so much more time. Had to do something with so many more children that I have to get to these days.” Mrs. Claus could hardly see Santa’s eyes ’cause he was smiling so much.
“What do you think? Isn’t it wonderful?” Santa asked.
“Ah…well anything that saves you time….except…well…nevermind…..” Mrs. Claus was scratching her head and actually looking sad.
“What’s the matter…I guess you don’t understand how wonderful my new sleigh really is because you didn’t have to fly the old one!”
“Ah…no Dear…I was just thinking about…well…you know…the reindeer.”
“Oh….Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and all. Ummm….that’s a good point, Dear.” Santa wasn’t smiling so broadly anymore.
“Maybe you should call them all together and explain that… well…technology has improved the Christmas Eve flight. I’m sure they’ll understand. They probably hated flying all that way through cold and heat and rains and snows…even though they never complained.” Mrs. Claus suggested.
“Ummm….I’m not so sure that my new SUPER SLED was such a good idea after all.”
Santa went over to the stable to break the news to the reindeer
in as positive a manner as he could.
After Santa came back from the stable Mrs. Claus asked him…”Well, how did the reindeer take the news Dear?”
“Ah…we worked something out!”
Two days later right after dusk Mrs. Claus heard the VROOM roar of the engines of Santa’s new SUPER SLED and went to the window to wave Goodbye to Santa and wish him a safe worldwide journey.
As Santa taxied the jet sleigh and turned it to head South,(of course, EVERY direction is South from the North Pole) Mrs. Claus had to chuckle as she saw all eight reindeer sitting in the two back seats and Rudolph riding shotgun up front with Santa!