“OK all of you…pay attention. No…no…no, you Dachshunds and Corgis and Chihuahuwas get up in the front row. I’m an AKC registered English Bulldog. And the first of you mutts that makes a crack about my accent is gonna REGRET IT! Now, you’re gonna get your barking orders that you will keep and obey forever.”

“Hey! You two Great Danes back there…KNOCK it off!”

“There are four types of barking that will be assigned today: The “Ruff” the “Yap” and the “Bow Wow,” and of course there is the most common, the just plain “Bark” which is not only onomatopoeia, but also a noun, but you’ll get that lesson later on in the camp when we discuss words and commands that you can ignore.”

Now you MUST only adhere to your assigned type or if you are caught using any other type, you will be severly punished by the removal of your bark capabilities. If you don’t believe me, just ask ANY Basenji!

“OK This entire front row is assigned the “Yap! Let’s hear it when I give the signal….WHAT? You got a question?”

The Corgi timidly asked “Are there any restrictions on loudness or repitition?”

“Hmmm. That is actually a good question for once! No! Loud and long and strong!”

“OK….GO!”

There was the loudest longest and strongest yapping of any prior Boot class!

“You blokes are gonna bring me a lot of glory out there! OK you second row, you medium dogs You get the “Ruff” which is quite often doubled to “Ruff Ruff!” Let’s hear it!

A cacophony of RUFFS rang through the barricks rafters.

“Now third row, you large dogs you get a deep “Bow Wow”…let’s hear it!’

The Bulldog Sargent had to cover his ears.

“That was wonderful! And the rest of you mongrels just get to “Bark”…GO!”

There was a lot of ill timed and mixed good and bad Barks which left the Bulldog shaking his head.

“Oh that was terrible, but I didm’t expect much anyhow. OK! I want you all to go out to the fence that runs along the camp’s perimeter next to the housing development and practice until you are hoarse.”

“DISSSSSSMISSSSED!”

Hi…my name…well my ACTUAL Latin name is Canis Lupis Familiaris but my human family named me “Butch” Not in love with that moniker but you know humans.
Anyhow, I’ve got this 10 year old boy named Chuck who is my responsibility to raise to know how to be kind to animals and of course, especially dogs!
He’s pretty good most of the time and I do have to take him out for walks on the end of my leash once a day and have to nudge the feeding bowl occasionally to remind him of my feeding time (I can’t open the cabinet where they keep the stuff…yet).
He doesn’t respect my nap times when he’s out of school and that really bugs me but, like I said, he’s only human so I forgive him…time and time again.
I could make life really difficult for him but I try to abide by the Golden Dog Rule because after all, he’s still a human puppy.
Humans think that a dog’s life is so easy. Well, let me tell you, raising a boy in today’s world is no piece of dog biscuit!
We’ll go out to the edge of the woods and Chuck will start doing just about EVERYTHING his Mom had just told him NOT to do.
And you KNOW that if he gets caught or worse yet, HURT…it will be TOTALLY MY FAULT and no table scraps for a week. (however long that is I’m not sure)
Maybe I’m just having a bad day and I don’t mean to sound ungrateful to my….oh I hate this word…OWNERS…they really are very nice…except for visits to the Vet.
So all in all my advice to you “would-be” boy-sitting canines out there is to pick yourself a good kid that hugs and pets you a lot and slips you plenty of treats when his parents aren’t looking too closely.
I’ll tell how to do that in my next blog.

Dog Chow for now…BUTCH.

“Don’t go up to that house Billy, there’s a ghost that lives there! Jason has saw it!” Tommy said.
“Jason has SEEN it.” corrected Billy.
“Yeah, that’s what I said!”
“Well, I’m going anyhow! Besides, it’s Halloween. Halloween is for witches and…wait for it…GHOSTS!!!”
“Well, I’m leavin’.”
“Me TOO!” both of the other boys said as they quick stepped their way down the street and away from the creepy house!
Billy had to admit, at least to himself, that it was scary, even for Halloween, but he creaked up the old splintered steps and just as he was about to push the door bell button…
“WHAT???” The door flew open and just about the oldest, grayest, staringist person he’d EVER seen yelled out at him.
He was so startled that he nearly fell off of the top porch step, but caught himself just in time to prevent falling.
After recovering his balance and a little nerve, the door was still filled with the eeriest sight his nine year old eyes had ever seen or imagined, he gathered his strength and said ..”That wasn’t very nice you know. I know that I’m supposed to respect my elders but you make it VERY difficult M’aam.”
There was just a stare back at him with steely eyes that didn’t seem to even have any white parts to them.
After just staring at each other, Billy decided to just leave…”Well, Happy Halloween M’aam.”
A pause then…”Wait.” When Billy looked back at the woman in the door he saw that tears were streaming out of both of her old tired and, he had to admit, scary eyes.
“I’m sorry. I just hate being scary and hateful. But, everybody thinks that I’m a witch or worse yet, a ghost and there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it!” She was fully crying now.
“Oh, M’aam there is always something that you can do. Besides we kids LIKE to be scared and on Halloween, well, you’re just about the scariest…” No wait, thought Billy. THAT won’t help.”
“Here, take my candy and give it out to the trick or treaters. I’ll go get more while you do that and I’ll help you give it out too if you’d like!”
“Why don’t you sit down on this porch chair M’aam.”
“I…I haven’t been outside since, this is gonna sound strange, the full moon of last Halloween.”
“You’re right…strange. But make the most of it. I’ll help you!”

Well, little Billy Smith helped the lady, who he found out was Ima Sloan, over the threshold and out onto the porch. He placed the candy into her dress lap and then went out to the curb and directed kids to “Trick Or Treat” the Scariest candy giver EVER!”
Ms. Sloan started each kid with a grumpy look then laughed out loud as she gave them the treat!
Soon there was a line forming and the candy was running out. “You each have to put a candy in and then take a candy out!”
In less than twenty minutes, the line was out on Elm Street and down the block.
A newspaper photographer who was out covering the story for the local press actually took Ms. Sloan’s and Billy’s picture and it appeared in the next morning’s edition.
Ms. Sloan was a local celebrity and so was Billy and neither one could wait for next Halloween!

Everybody wants to live at the beach. Well, except for those who want to live in the mountains or in the dessert or in big cities…well, anyhow…I want to live at the beach and I do.
I must admit that it gets a tad lonely in the freezing cold of winter…especially at night.
Lots of my friends only come around in late Spring and Summer but it does tend to get somewhat crowded then.
What? Who am I?
Maybe I’ll let you guess. I’ll give you a few clues.
I can’t fly, although I would LOVE to be able to.
I’m actually not even very good at swimming. Silly huh, living and loving the beach and all that.
I also love to play hide and seek but NEVER want to get caught.
Have you guessed what I am yet? Well, have you guessed what I’m NOT yet?
Right! I’m not a fish or a bird.
And I’m not a tourist because I live here and even though some tourists can actually swim none can fly, by themselves that is.
Another hint: I’m not a grain of sand…EVERYBODY knows that sand can’t talk!
And I’m not a pebble which have the same silent problem of sand.
I do like to play with the tide and the waves as them come into the beach and then go back out.
GOOD GUESS! When you hear the term “Happy As A Clam”…THAT’S ME!
Opps…gotta go and dig fast and deep…someone’s coming down the beach.
Next time you are here…look for a tiny hole and maybe a bubble near the water’s edge and say “HI” but no digging please!

“Here Nosy….sniff!”
Judson was holding his brother’s, shall we say, “soiled” sweatshirt in front of his new bloodhound puppy’s nose.
Nosy sniffed and sniffed and then barked a very immature sounding bark that would eventually mature into a deep loud one.
Nosy perked up his ears and looked around, then put his amazing nose to the ground and in a crooked, twisting path, sniffed his way to the laundry room and the laundry basket!
Even though none of Judson’s brother’s clothing was actually IN the basket that was “sniffed out” by Nosy, the tracking was deemed a victory.
On subsequent sniffing and tracking tests, Nosy however, was less successful. While attempting to sniff out a previously hidden used sock, Nosy “found” an unhidden plate of dark meat turkey that Judson’s Mom had placed on the table for lunch. Nosy never did find the sock.
On another occasion, Nosy found an opened box of chocolate covered cherries instead of Judson’s Dad’s baseball cap and was a very sick bloodhound puppy all afternoon.
After a trip to the local Veteranarian and a testing of Nostrildamus’ olfactory glands (his “smeller”) it was theorized that possibly Nosy was not “all” bloodhound but “could” have a bit of Beagle on his family tree. Not a bad thing, but not bloodhound.
“He may develop a better sense of smell later as he matures, but I wouldn’t count on it!” the Doctor sighed after the exam and test.
Judson was a bit disappointed at the news but vowed to keep “training” Nosy’s scent tracking abilities.
As Nosy grew older and larger, his percentage of “finds” as Judson called them, grew to about 10%.
There were also some unscientific successes which, although Judson considered a “find” his parents did not for the simple reason that food was always involved.
But one morning, a bright sunny day in August, the doorbell rang and when Judson’s Mom opened the door, a policeman was standing there with a torn piece of cloth in his gloved hand.
“M’am, I’m Sargent Cole of the local police department and we are on the lookout for an alleged thief that apparently tore an article of clothing, looks like a piece of shirt, during a small robbery and we were told that you own a bloodhound. Is that true?”
“Ah…why yes we do but you see…”
“GREAT! Can we borrow your dog to possibly track the alleged criminal?”
Judson’s Mom looked at Judson and at Nosy who was wagging his entire body and they both looked so excited that she just replied “Okay!”
Well, to make a longer story shorter, Nosy tracked down the culprit hiding behind a holly bush over in the woods and the Police Department awarded Nosy a special ribbon for “Excellence In Police Work”.
After that, Nosy still wasn’t very successful tracking clothing objects from the family but, even though no one close to Nosy ever said anything to each other, they all felt that it was very lucky that among the stolen items that were taken by the sniffed out crook, was a large box of chocolate covered cherries!

Daytime:   Swam around to the left. Swam around to the right. Nibbled some algae off of the green rock. Swam around…(I forget which way.)

Nightime:   Swam a little. Stayed still at the bottom of the deep part of the pond.

Daytime:   Swam around to the right…BACKED UP and then swam to the left. Bumped into the shubunkin…(didn’t see him until too late)

Nightime:   Swam a little. Stayed still at the bottom of the deep part of the pond. Looking forward to Daytime.

CHAPTER ONE An Idea

“I wish that there was a land where puppies and kittens and boys and girls stayed young and fun for…well, ALWAYS!”
Sarah was an extremely smart little girl who had just celebrated her fourth Birthday and was thinking about all small and young things and how much she enjoyed life as a pre school “Big” little girl.
Adults were “way up there” and most dogs were too big and too scary for little her and even though grown cats were nice to pet and were gentle, she still preferred kittens. One cat was enough but you could never have too many kittens!
“And big kids, especially boys, try to boss you around a lot and parents and all adults always were reminding you who was in charge of EVERYTHING, and you weren’t!”
I did tell you that little Sarah was smart!
Sarah’s family used to have a dog before she was born, but it apparently ran away and all that remained of that era was the old dog house in the far right corner of their back garden.
The worn sign above the front opening read “OSCAR”, (the wire haired terrier’s name) although Sarah couldn’t read all words, she knew what those letters spelled.
Sarah looked inside of the “doggy house” as she called it and it was a mess. Now Sarah was a believer that things that you touch should be clean. But she had to touch all the dirty stuff in the dog house to get it clean. She decided to close her eyes and clean out the old OSCAR home and then wash her hands and maybe arms too…oh and legs too maybe…after she finished making the inside nice and fresh!
That she did, and quickly.
The “stuff” was piled outside the house and since she decided to make the dog house her playhouse she moved all of the debris over to the trash can and put it all in, with the help of a long stick to lift the high lid and then throw all the icky things in, and then close the lid back so no one would know.
Success!
“Sarah…what are you doing Darling?”
It was her Mom…”Just playing Mommy…”
“OK…have fun Dear!”
“Oh I will” thought Sarah…and she sure did!

CHAPTER TWO Adventure

Sarah knocked on the back door and her Mother came to open it and when she saw how dirty Sarah was she said…”Oh my Sarah, we’ve got to clean you up. If you are going to get so dirty you’ll have to wear old jeans and shoes….and…”
Her Mom was still explaining about dirt and playing and clothing and little girls should stay as clean as they can….while Sarah was getting her dirty self cleaned up she was thinking about going right back to the doggy house!
Her Mom said something about “Tom Boy” but Sarah didn’t know any boys named Tom but as soon as Sarah got outside again she went straight to you know where.
Once inside her relatively clean “playhouse” as it now had become, Sarah looked around at the place and noticed a small hole on the right side of the back wall. She tried to look through but it was too tiny an opening. In fact, the hole was so tiny that her little pinky finger barely fit into the space and as she wiggled her pinky, the entire rear of the dog…I mean “playhouse” swung open and there was a wire haired terrier puppy there that began to lick her on the nose!
The tag on the puppy’s collar read “OSCAR”.

“I’ve been wondering when someone would find out about us!” Oscar said in a childlike little voice.
“I’m Sarah!”
“I know!”
“But you were an old dog right?”
“Well, here we are all like you…young and rather small and, most importantly…HAPPY!” Oscar resumed licking Sarah’s face!
“You should tell Mom and Dad that you are here. They miss you Oscar!”
“Oh…I can’t go back. And I really don’t want to either.”
“Is it that wonderful here?”
“Oh my yes. Me and all of my friends will stay little, and friendly and happy and frisky…forever!”
“And if I stay will I remain a little girl for always?”
“Oh sure. But there are problems here just like over there!”
“Problems!” Sarah was a bit surprised by that revelation from Oscar.
“Well, we don’t have any butterflies here, they are all still caterpillars.”
“Oh!” exclaimed Sarah.
“But puppies and kittens and ponies are all GOOD things!”
“Oh yes Sarah, we all love the fun of it all!”
“And some of the bad things are good things too.” explained Oscar.
“Huh?” Sarah didn’t understand that one.
“Yeah, we’ll never be adults and do adult things like drive a car but there are no traffic jams.”
“Dogs don’t drive cars anyhow!”
“Especially not here!” Oscar declared.
“And we never have to go to work!” added Oscar.
“Do you go to school?”
“Well…no but we learn from each other. Many of us were old once and we can still remember important lessons.”
“I guess I understand but I want to be a teenager.” mused Sarah.
“Well…that is your decision. You can go back anytime you wish.”
“But can I visit?” asked Sarah.
“As long as the dog house is still there…yes!”
Oscar took Sarah around to meet some of his friends but there was not a single human around although Oscar said that “Kids come and go often. I guess there are a lot of dog houses in the real world.” Oscar explained.
“Sarah thought for a long time and finally decided that she would rather visit than actually live on the “puppy side” as she called it.
So Sarah went back through the back of the dog house/playhouse and played with her dolls and ate hamburgers and watched butterflies and planned her next visit to Oscar’s.

On her eighth birthday Lisa received a beautifully wrapped gift that was delivered by UPS. She wondered which of her relatives had sent her such a large, nicely wrapped package since there was no name or card or any way to identify where it came from or from whom it was sent!
She undid the fancy pink bow and opened the brightly colored birthday wrapping. Inside of the rather large rectangular box was a bright yellow rain slicker with black snaps and clamps that closed it in the front.
She tried it on and it fit perfectly! Whoever sent her this wonderful gift sure knew her exact size. Suddenly she heard a loud rumble of thunder outside and when she went to the window it was raining about as hard as she’d ever seen it rain!
“That’s odd! ” Lisa exclaimed…”It wasn’t raining a few seconds ago…in fact…the sunshine was so bright that I had to close the window curtains!”
Lisa went to the front door and opened it. It sure was raining hard out there. Water was running down the streets and along the gutters into the storm drains.
“This is perfect!” thought Lisa. “I can try out my new Birthday present!”
Lisa stepped outside and as she got to the walkway, suddenly, without warning, the rain abruptly stopped and the bright sun shone without a cloud in the sky! The rain had stopped so fast that her new yellow raincoat hadn’t even gotten wet!
She looked around and the grass was wet, the parked cars were wet, everything was wet except her new raincoat. “What a mystery!” thought Lisa.
When she went back into the house she removed her raincoat and hung it on the hook near the door.
The nexy day as Lisa got ready for school it started to rain. “Oh Good! Today I can wear my new raincoat to school and show all of my friends.”
She grabbed her lunch and saw the bus coming down the street, windshield wipers going and she thought… “My new raincoat is the same color as the school bus…what fun!”
The bus stopped and it’s red lights began to flash and Lisa went out of her door to run and get on…and once again, like before on her birthday, the rain abruptly stopped and the sun came out!
As Lisa climbed up the bus steps the driver said…”Hi Lisa…maybe you won’t need your raincoat after all today!”
“It…always seems to stop raining when I put it on and go outside!”
“Yeah…sometimes I bring my umbrella along to make sure that it won’t rain!” The driver laughed as Lisa made her way to her favorite seat and the bus drove off.
At the end of the school day it was still bright and sunny outside. Lisa grabbed her raincoat and the teacher Miss Brown said…”You won’t need that raincoat this afternoon Lisa…it’s a beautiful day outside.”
But Lisa decided that it was easier to wear her raincoat than to carry it along with her books. As she put the coat on she heard the rumble of thunder and, looking out through the school windows, she saw it start to rain.
“Oh my Lisa, I guess it IS a good thing that you brought your raincoat. It’s beginning to rain out there!”
“Yes Miss Brown.” Lisa walked down the hall and as she got outside onto the school steps, just like before, the rain stopped and the sun came out!
As she boarded her bus the driver said…”That raincoat of yours must be magic or something. It makes it stop raining whenever you wear it!”
“Well…actually…if I put it on when I’m inside it starts to rain. Then I go OUTside it stops!”
But the driver wasn’t listening and was closing the door, so Lisa made her way back to her seat, a very puzzled and confused young girl.
When she got home she went to the room where her Daddy was working on the computer.
Lisa was holding her new raincoat and said…”Daddy…Watch!”
She put the raincoat on and waited.
“Very nice….where did you get that pretty yellow raincoat?”
“It came by UPS. It was wrapped as a gift but I don’t know who sent it…but look outside…it wasn’t raining a minute ago was it?”
“No it wasn’t” Her father went to the window…”….and it still isn’t! I guess you don’t need that coat tonight huh?”
Lisa went to the window. Her Daddy was right it WASN’T raining! She took the coat off and put it back on three times, but no rain!
“You must really like that raincoat huh Lisa?”
“Ah…yes Daddy…it’s a pretty yellow, and it REALLY keeps me dry!”
“I’m sure whoever sent it will let us know sooner or later.”
Lisa tried on the coat four more times that night but it never did rain.
Then three days later when she woke up it was raining.
“It’s raining Lisa. You can wear your pretty new raincoat today!”
“Yes Daddy….I will.” She looked out of her bedroom window and sure enough it was raining. So after breakfast and after dressing for school she went to the door to wait for the bus and as it came down her street, she put on the coat and before she could open the door, the sun was streaming through the front windows.
“That’s strange…I’m not even outside yet and the rain has stopped.”
“I guess you won’t need your raincoat after all Lisa.” Her father said. So Lisa took off the coat and hung it on the hook by the door and left for school.
Once she got outside it started to pour again. So she ran to the bus and got on. “Crazy weather we’re having lately huh?” the bus driver said.
“Yeah…REAL crazy!”
Lisa thought that she was confused before…but now! “When I wear the coat inside it stops the rain now, but before, it stopped when I wore it outside!”
“What did you say Lisa?” the bus driver asked.
“Oh nothing…just about the weather.”
Over the next few weeks the weather seemed quite normal only raining at night when Lisa was asleep. The yellow raincoat stayed on the hook next to her Daddy’s raincoat the whole time. But then on the third Tuesday when Lisa woke up it was raining and thundering and was very windy too.
“You’ll need your raincoat today for sure Lisa!” her father told her.
Lisa slowly took the coat off of the hook and put it on. It was still raining. Then she went to the door and out onto the front steps…still raining. The MAGIC…was gone!
Lisa was relieved. She really wanted a normal raincoat to wear “IN THE RAIN”…and now she finally had one. She skipped up the walk, splashing the wet puddles on the walk with her new coat keeping her warm and dry underneath.
The weather report said that there was a large tropical storm coming through and it would be raining for two or even three more days.
“I have to go to the store Lisa, I’ll be right back!” Her Daddy grabbed his raincoat from the hook next to hers and put it on and as he walked outside…the rain suddenly stopped and the sun came out brightly shining and not a cloud in the sky!
As her Daddy started to head back into the house to put his raincoat back, Lisa quickly grabbed her yellow Birthday present off of the hook and hid it!
When her Daddy came in…”That’s strange! It’s supposed to rain for two more days!”
“Yes Daddy…VERY strange.” Lisa didn’t want her new raincoat to get anywhere near her Daddy’s coat now… let him have a Magic raincoat…it’s just too confusing for an eight year old and NOT any fun at all!!!

“Look over there…by the bench.”
“Hey….yeah….isn’t that funny. I don’t think I ever saw one that hungry before.”
“Naw…me either.”
“Look at that one …prancing around like a Peacock or something.”
“Amazing. They are so busy eating I don’t think they care whether we’re watching them or not.”
“You must admit…it IS fascinating.”
“Well…yeah I agree with that. Some of my friends think I’m batty watching them and all of their colorful idiosyncracies.”
“I especially like feeding times. How they all scramble and get in lines and sometimes get pushy. The bigger ones always seem to elbow their way to the food.”
“Well…are we done here today?”
“Yeah…I think so. Want to go get something to eat ourselves?”
“Sure. Over on the corner there’s a great place to eat.”
“My FAVORITE place. They always have the deluxe mix with the nuts and berries. Let’s fly over there now.”

“When you get ready for a picnic there’s always so much to do!”
“I agree. There’s finding the proper location and there’s making sure that the effort will be worth it for everybody with good food.”
“And don’t forget about the weather. That’s very important. We don’t want the picnic to have to be packed up quickly and everyone scrambles away.”
“Well…anything worth the effort always takes a lot of forethought.”
All agreed.
Just then “Brownie” ran into the group…”I found it the PERFECT picnic spot!”
“Oh great! Show us exactly where it is and we’ll all follow!”
Brownie led the way and then following closely behind him in a long line was the entire ant hill!